A Good Learner vs. A Good Student: Autonomy, and Birds

I like birds. They can fly. I can’t fly, so I’m automatically impressed. One of my earliest introductions to birds came from the tale of The Ugly Duckling. If you’re familiar with this story, you likely have its most famous sentence firmly planted in your memory: “And the ugly duckling turned into a beautiful swan.” In the story, this plot twist led all of the ugly duckling’s siblings and friends, who had spent their entire childhoods judging and bullying the protagonist, to finally adore and accept him.

A few questions here. First of all, how did a duck turn into a swan? Why did this animal have the ability to morph into a completely different thing? Second, and more importantly, isn’t this an atrocious lesson to bestow upon children? ‘You never know how physically attractive an ugly person might become in the future, so it’s best to be nice to them now, in case you want them to like you later.’ How about just being loving from the start, whether there's a mutating magic transformer bird in your family or not?

The duckling in question was, of course, never a duck at all, but a swan all along. He simply got lost as a baby and hung out with a different species than his own, a messy mix-up which resulted in this fable of shapeshifting and immorality.

Not only was he not a duckling, but he also wasn’t ugly, either, for he was simply a swan amongst ducks. He was just an 'other'. Guess who else is an other? We all are. But if we’re counting on our surroundings to validate us, our peers to prop us up, or any external forces to corral a sense of belonging, value, beauty or ability within us, well then, we might as well consider ourselves an unattractive duck.

A Good Learner vs. A Good Student

Thankfully, I don't work with birds. I work with people, often referred to as students. The same way that a pianist plays piano and an architect creates architecture, students are intended to study as their primary means of expression, mode of engagement, and purpose. How do we know if a pianist is a success? Based on the quality of the music the pianist can produce. And what is an architect’s barometer? The quality of the structures that the architect can create. How about a student’s measuring stick? How do we know when a student is doing well at studenting?

My motto when it comes to grades is: “The grading is degrading”. Don't worry - I’m not going to grab a chair, turn it backward, sit down and say, “Hey bro, I don’t believe in grades,” because that’s not true. I think it's a good idea for cognitive abilities to be measured and quantified; I just don’t agree with the form that assessments take in most schools and testing sites that I’ve seen. For I believe that a truly competent person is almost always in the process of learning, and I’m more interested in helping people become good learners than good students.

A good student can achieve high marks and get good grades. Do the means by which these scores get achieved matter? Not to a good student. A good learner is interested in the entirety of the process, ensuring that learning is happening in a manner that’s sustainable, efficient, effective, and balanced. A good learner can use all of the skills that a good student has, and apply it to any context. A good student is likely confined to the redundant realms of academia, while a good learner can apply academic skills to any walk of life, using curiosity and meaning as a guide. A good learner succeeds by working in a garden, while a good student succeeds by buying a bouquet.

The Journey Is The Destination

Until we can value the struggle, we’re not likely to value the reward. Finding satisfaction in a good test score, being given a fish instead of being taught how to fish, buying a bouquet…these are all examples of how we can appreciate the destination instead of the journey. And this is something we can aim to aim to avoid.

It’s how we get where we’re going that makes us who we are. The road we travel is the stage, but the entanglements we inevitably encounter along that path are indeed the play. The only person who’s going to be with us every step of the way is ourselves, so we better practice learning independently while we can. Autonomy is a splendid feature of life, because it provides you with both a struggle and a reward simultaneously. Without it, we may never know either. While with it, you have the opportunity to focus on both the finish line and the path leading towards it. And no matter where we’re trying to go, we all arrive at the same universal ending, so we might as well take a good look around as we’re heading there.

And “take a good look around” is really an encouragement to “take a good look around at everything, not just at what’s pleasant, convenient or useful.” I certainly don’t intend for anyone to “stop and smell the roses.” I think that's too easy. I would also encourage you to simply gaze at the roses. Touch the roses, and maybe even get pricked by some of their thorns. Taste the roses, and quickly spit them out because they’re disgusting. Listen carefully to the roses, as they perhaps flutter or crumble or buzz in your ear. Positives and negatives are equally prevalent features of life, as long as we're paying close enough attention.

Purpose

When speaking with parents, I occasionally will ask them to participate in an exercise: Imagine that their children are trying their best, and have adequately bought into the academic process. Imagine that they’ve found themselves in the middle of yet another night of homework, during which they’re spending a fraction of their time and energy on what interests them, and the rest of the time spent feels like nothing more than a pointless exercise. They ask you, “Why do I have to do this? I want to know what the point of all this is.”

So I ask parents: What do you say? When parents hear such a question, from a tutor such as myself, they get smart to the situation pretty quickly. They do not want to be wrong, and they especially don’t want to say the wrong answer that they think I’m expecting them to say. I can see it happening as they rapidly scan their minds, asking themselves what I might be getting at. What might I be trying to trick them into saying? Or not saying? What should they say??

Here are the Top 8 Reasons That Kind and Loving Parents Give For Why Their Child Has To Do Seemingly Useless Assignments:

1. Because you have to. There are just some things in life that you have to do. I have to feed you, and you have to do this math packet. Asking questions isn’t going to help get it done any faster, so the sooner you accept that it’s just something you have to do, the sooner it will get done.

2. Because it’s your job. I have my job, and you have your job, and right now, underlining the present tense participles and circling the dangling modifiers in the twenty-two sentences your teacher printed on that sheet is your job. Welcome to the real world, where people work. This is your work.

3. Because this is how your teacher knows if you understand what’s going on in class.

4. Because this is going to help you with the test next week.

5. Because this is how you get ahead in life, by getting good grades.

6. Because this is what children all around the country are doing, and this will help you become a functioning member of society.

7. Because this is how you’re going to get into a good high school next year.

8. Because this is how you’re going to remember what your teacher was talking about in class.

These are all pretty good answers. I would be surprised if any educator would decree that a single one of these would be considered “wrong”. Parents who respond to their children with replies such as these are being real with their kids. They’re not sugarcoating life’s realities, nor are they neurotically protecting their children from the way the world works. Parents know the game, and they’re clueing their kids into the authentic system of which they are a part as students.

But guess what word has been omitted from this list of reasons why kids have to do homework, study for tests and prepare presentations? What word is conspicuously missing in regards to the purpose of papers, projects and school as a whole?

Learning. What happened to learning being a part of all of this? Learning content, and learning skills. Learning how to develop grit in the face of challenges, and perseverance in the realm of difficulty. Learning how to work on one’s own, manage one’s time and apply previously attained understanding. Learning how to learn. When did the point of school become absent of learning?

It’s vital for us to recognize the difference between studying and learning. Studying, a word that many are comfortable associating with school and knowledge, is an activity. Learning is a process. Parents are quite comfortable saying to their children, “Now, go to your room and study.” It’s rare that they say, “Go to your room and learn.” Guiding young people towards improving their capacity for learning will contribute to the potency with which they study. The inverse of this is not necessarily true.

I usually tell the parents of children for whom I am acting as an executive functioning coach that I want to be so good at my job that I get fired. I aim to put myself out of business, with every child I guide. I don’t want to be a lifeguard, saving a kid from drowning. I want to be a swim instructor, who makes sure that students never get themselves in a bind from which they can’t break themselves free. I don’t intend to tell children what is; my ultimate goal is to provide them with the self-sufficiency to seek and achieve it for themselves. This is autonomy, and optimally learning how to learn requires an appreciation for self-sufficiency.

People frequently associate autonomy with power, freedom, and independence. I view these as features of autonomous groups, but individuals rarely experience true autonomy, seeing as how we’re social by nature and rely on one another rather incessantly. This is not about achieving independence in life, or providing for oneself without guidance, support or nurturance from others. The sense of autonomy I focus on is more in regards to gaining the ability to learn and be as engaged possible. To reach one's potential without the need of a prevailing external influence. To recognize one’s beauty and worth, whether the world calls you a duck or a swan.